Many people stay with a therapist longer than feels right because leaving seems rude, or because starting over is exhausting when you are already anxious or low. But fit matters. NIMH puts it plainly: treatment works best when you have a good relationship with your mental health professional, and in some cases you may wish to find a different provider or another type of treatment. Changing therapists is a normal part of getting good care, not a failure on your part or theirs.
Good reasons to consider a change
- You rarely feel understood, even after several months
- You do not trust the therapist enough to bring up important things
- The approach does not match what you need, for example you want more practical tools, or more depth
- You have raised concerns about progress and nothing has changed
- Your needs have shifted, such as wanting couples work, or a therapist with specific training for a new concern
- Practical details no longer work: schedule, location, cost or insurance
- Something felt seriously wrong, such as a boundary crossed or confidentiality not respected
The American Psychological Association (APA) calls good rapport with your psychologist critical and says to choose one with whom you feel comfortable and at ease. It is a legitimate reason on its own.
When to talk it through first
Not every rough patch means the fit is wrong. The APA notes that you may feel more angry, sad or confused as therapy goes deeper, and that this can be a sign of growth rather than a standstill. Feeling frustrated with a therapist can also be part of the work, especially if it echoes something familiar from other relationships.
That is why NIMH suggests that if you have been in therapy for what feels like a reasonable time and are not getting better, you start by talking to your therapist. The APA encourages clients to give feedback when a session did not go well so the psychologist can adjust. A conversation might sound like: "I've been feeling stuck, and I'm wondering whether we're the right fit. Can we talk about it?" A good therapist will take this seriously, and sometimes it opens the most useful stretch of the work. How to Tell if Therapy Is Working can help you prepare.
The exception is when something feels unsafe or unethical. Then you do not owe anyone a processing conversation. You can stop, and if you believe a licensed professional acted improperly, Michigan's licensing agency, LARA, has a process to make a complaint about a licensed professional.
If the reason is practical
Sometimes the fit is good but life changed: a new job with different hours, a move across Oakland County, a new insurance plan. Before you switch, ask your therapist whether anything can flex, such as a different appointment time, telehealth for some sessions, or a reduced fee. NIMH suggests asking about fees, insurance and sliding scales when you look for a therapist, and the same questions apply when you are thinking of leaving one. If nothing works, a practical reason is still a perfectly good reason.
How to end well
- Say it directly, in session or in a short message: "I've decided to look for a different therapist." You do not have to justify it at length
- If you are open to it, ask for one closing session to review what helped and what you want next
- Ask for referrals. Therapists usually know colleagues with different approaches or specialties
- Ask how to request your records or a summary if you want your new therapist to have them
- Check the cancellation policy so you are not charged for a session you no longer plan to attend
Sharing records usually requires your written permission. Your Rights to Your Mental Health Records in Michigan explains what you can request.
Avoid a gap in care
If anxiety or depression is significant right now, try to line up the new therapist before you stop with the old one, or keep a few sessions going until you have a start date. NIMH cautions not to stop treatment without talking to your health care provider. If you take medication, switching therapists does not mean changing it; keep your prescriber in the loop and talk with them before changing anything.
Choosing the next therapist
Use what you learned. Before you search, write down what worked and what did not with your last therapist. Then use it in a first call:
- "My last therapist was kind, but sessions felt aimless. How do you set goals?"
- "I want to understand why this keeps happening, not only manage symptoms. How do you work with that?"
- "I need daytime appointments and telehealth some weeks. Is that possible?"
NIMH's tips for talking with providers note that there is no one-size-fits-all treatment and that you may need to talk with a few providers to find the right one. Questions to Ask a Therapist About Anxiety or Depression has a fuller list.
Starting again with someone new
Your second therapist is not starting from zero. Telling them about your previous therapy, including what helped and what did not, gives them a head start. Expect a few sessions of getting to know each other. If you are looking for a psychologist in Oakland County, Dr. Lehmann sees adults in individual therapy, including anxiety therapy, in Franklin or by telehealth for clients in Michigan, during daytime hours Monday through Thursday.