Two settings, different starting points
Both individual and couples therapy can address relationships. The difference is who is in the room and, as a result, what the work focuses on.
In individual therapy, you are the client. The focus is your experience: your history, your reactions, what you want, and how you respond to other people. A relationship may be the main topic, but the work is about your side of it.
In couples therapy, the relationship itself is the focus. Both partners attend, and the psychologist pays attention to the pattern between you: how conversations start, how they escalate, and how each person's reactions set off the other's. The psychologist is not either partner's advocate.
When couples therapy may fit better
Meeting together is often the better fit when the concern is shared and both people want to change it. Examples include:
- The same argument keeps coming back and neither of you can see a way out
- You have grown distant and both want to feel closer again
- Trust has been damaged and both partners want to try to repair it
- A major change, such as a new baby, a move, or an illness, has changed how you relate
- You disagree about something important, such as money, parenting, or family, and conversations keep stalling
The advantage is that both sides of the pattern are present. A psychologist can see how a comment lands, slow the moment down, and help each partner hear what the other is actually saying. See couples therapy for what that work looks like with Dr. Lehmann.
When individual therapy may fit better
Individual work is often the better setting when the concern starts with you, or when meeting together is not possible or not safe. For example:
- Your partner is not willing to attend, or not ready yet
- You are unsure whether you want to stay in the relationship and need room to think without your partner present
- You notice the same pattern across several relationships, not only this one
- Anxiety, low mood, grief, or past experiences are shaping how you react to your partner
- The conflict is with a parent, sibling, adult child, or coworker rather than a partner
Changing your own part in a pattern often changes the pattern, even when the other person is not in therapy. The relationship concerns page describes how Dr. Lehmann approaches this kind of individual work.
When individual support should come first
Some situations call for individual support before any joint sessions. If either partner is being hurt, threatened, or controlled, or is afraid of how the other will react to what is said in therapy, couples sessions can increase risk rather than reduce it. The priority in that case is safety and individual support.
The same may be true when one partner is in acute distress, such as a mental health crisis or active substance use, that needs attention before relationship work can be productive. A psychologist can help you sort out the order. The resources page lists local crisis and support services.
Can you do both?
Some people are in individual therapy and couples therapy at the same time, and some move from one to the other. Individual work can help a partner get clear about their own reactions, which can make joint sessions more productive. Couples work can surface issues that one partner then wants to explore on their own.
How this is arranged varies. Some psychologists see a person individually and also with their partner; others prefer that each setting have a different clinician, to keep the couples work balanced. If this matters to you, ask Dr. Lehmann how she handles it before you start.
Practical differences worth asking about
A few practical details often differ between the two settings, and it is better to ask than assume:
- Fees and session length for couples sessions, which may not match individual sessions
- Insurance coverage, since many plans treat couples or family psychotherapy differently from individual therapy
- How information is handled when one partner shares something privately
- Whether telehealth works for both of you, which requires each person to be physically in Michigan at the time of the session
The fees and insurance page covers the practice's general billing information, and the rest can be confirmed when you call.
Three common situations
A partner who says "We just don't talk anymore" and whose partner agrees there is a problem is often a good fit for couples therapy, because both people want the same thing and the pattern lives between them.
A partner who keeps having the same conflict with a spouse, a parent, and a manager may get more from individual therapy first, because the common thread is their own way of reacting under pressure.
A partner who is quietly deciding whether to leave often benefits from individual space to think. Couples sessions can follow if they decide they want to try, and the joint work is usually more honest for it.
If you are still not sure
You do not need to have the right answer before reaching out. Describing the situation in a first phone call is often enough to decide where to start, and the setting can change as the work goes on. The APA's guidance on choosing a therapist suggests asking about a clinician's experience with your specific concern, which is a good question for either setting. If intimacy is part of the concern, how emotional safety and communication affect intimacy may also help.